


Afraid To Love?

by Tranquil_Tevine



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Background Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Out of Character, Rape, Romance, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:51:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5204840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tranquil_Tevine/pseuds/Tranquil_Tevine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amaris has been holding back her feelings. One day though, events happen which will change everything in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid To Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So yes, this is my first Dragon Age Fanfiction.This was finished some weeks ago however, Inquisition has been keeping me busy! If there are any issues, be it spelling or content, please let me know and enjoy!

“Tell me, Gem. Do you like Fenris?”

 

Marking the page of a book I was reading, I gazed at Varric inquisitively, curling my feet on the armchair I resided in.

 

“Why the sudden question? Of course, I do, he’s my friend! Same as you.”

 

Varric shook his head, sitting on the chair opposite to me.

 

“No, I mean,” Varric wiggled his eyebrows “Do you LIKE Fenris?”

 

Suddenly it dawned on me.

 

 _‘How did he find out?’_   Internally I was panicking. Was I that obvious? I tried to hide my feelings, but clearly, that wasn't enough for the crafty dwarf. There was no point hiding it anymore.

 

I felt my face flush furiously. I averted my eyes from Varric. Staring at my lap I whispered “Maybe…”

 

I clammed up. I couldn't speak another word. Did Fenris know? _‘He must think I'm such a freak.’_

 

I felt a hand on my knee. Startled, I looked back up. Varric stood in front of me, brows drawn with concern.

 

“It’s not a bad thing. I don’t know about Fenris, but I guessed you've liked him for some time now.”

 

Biting my lip, I take Varric’s hand desperately, squeezing my eyes shut.

 

“Varric,” I begged. “Please, if he doesn't know, don’t tell him. It will ruin everything. He’s the first friend I've had and if he knows how I feel, that’s the end of it. I won’t be able to take it.”

 

Varric removes his hand from mine, giving me a serious look.

 

“I don’t need to tell him.”

 

Brows drawn in confusion, I’m about to ask him to clarify when I notice someone stood at the door.

 

Fenris.

 

Varric makes a hasty exit, murmuring that he would "leave us two alone".

 

“No-” My voice almost cracks, but I don’t let it. I should have broken long before now, what with how my life has been, but I haven’t. That itself is a miracle. I've never confided my feelings to anyone, not even Fenris. It’s not that I don’t trust him or even Varric, it’s more that I don’t know how to. I've kept hold of my emotion so long; I'm scared to release it. I'm not normal. I can’t even cry like a normal person. I was taught not to from a young age. While I am free from the chains which physically bound me in my past, my mind isn't.

 

The pressure has been building these past few weeks and I feel almost ready to erupt. Whenever I was left alone, Anders always found me. His cruel, taunting words haunt me daily, all because I agreed with Grand Cleric Elthina’s insistence on neutrality with the Mage/Templar debate. Anders is not open to negotiation; it’s either his way or no way. Not long ago, I’d overheard him conversing with some fellow apostates of a plan to remove the neutral party. He was planning on using the potion with the ingredients I'd helped him gather (I thought it was to get rid of Justice!) To remove The Grand Cleric and Chantry. I managed to save her life. Just before the magic was about to start, I convinced her to leave The Chantry, arriving there well before Anders. I admit I will treasure the look of Shock on everyone’s face, in particular, Knight-Commander Meredith and First Enchanter Orsino when I descended the steps with The Grand Cleric intact. I was thanked profusely and Anders was no longer Anders. He'd said that himself and Justice were one, but I didn't believe that to be true. It was like Lycanthropy, the second, more primal voice in your head battling for dominance, always. More so on the full moon or in this case, more so in regards to the freedom of fellow mages. So, Justice was here to stay. It seemed that last act of rebellion on my part was the final straw.

 

I never told anyone what happened that night. Frankly, I don’t want to think about it. ’Anders’ managed to escape his confines and find me. I was tortured by magic use and other means for hours. The Templars eventually discovered our location. He was immediately executed and I was sent on my way.

 

He raped me, repeatedly. I never wanted to revisit the ghosts of my past, but he’d awakened memories that had faded over time. It was over now though and I could at least take comfort in the fact that he can’t hurt me anymore.

 

“Amaris? Amaris!”

 

I flinched violently, my mind returning to the present. I’d forgotten where I was. Fenris was kneeling before me, shaking my shoulders. I blushed.

 

 _‘Stop it!’_   I admonished myself. I was surprised to see the amount of worry in his eyes. I immediately was filled with guilt.

 

“S-Sorry Fenris, I was lost in my thoughts. Is there something you need?”

 

He sighed, drawing a hand to his face. Then, he pulled me out of my seat, leading me to the sofa, where he sat me down, facing him.

 

“Why didn't you tell me?”

 

I looked down. How could I?

 

“I don’t know. How could I ever bring that up as a topic of conversation? Are you,” I hesitated, looking at his face through my lashes. “Mad at me?”

 

I stiffened, feeling his hand on my shoulders. I was unused to contact and this was the first time he’d initiated any. I eventually relaxed as he leant me into his side, hand soothingly rubbing my back. It felt…kind of nice.

 

“Of course not. I wish you’d tell me. You’re my friend. Your burdens are mine. Isn’t that what you once said to me? I’d like to return the favour.”

 

Mustering up the courage I didn't know I had, I cautiously reached out for his free hand, clutching it to my chest.

 

“I'm sorry. I don’t know how.”

 

Fenris reassured me.

 

“Take your time. I can tell something has been bothering you these past few weeks or indeed, since I first met you. Please, trust me. It’s the least I can do after what you've done for me.”

 

I looked into his eyes from where I was nestled against him. There was nothing there but concern and…Love? I dared to hope. With that, years of grief and desperation were poured out. How I was raped and used as a slave from a young age, the beatings, bruises and the more recent of Anders violating and bullying me. Yet still, I didn't cry. I felt…something trying to get out, but I wasn't sure how to release it.  
I could see Fenris was containing his anger for my sake. I’m pretty sure as soon as I leave there will be Lyrium imbued fist shaped dents on the wall and perhaps some more broken bottles. I dared a half smile. I voiced a question to him.

 

“Fenris? I feel strange like something wants to get out.”

 

I hadn’t realized up until that moment that Fenris was stroking my hair. He stopped for a moment in thought, resuming his stroking, he answered.

 

“You mean you feel like you need to cry?”

 

I nodded. “I can’t remember the last time I have. How do I?”

 

Fenris’ gaze became distant. “Perhaps I’m not the best person to ask.” continuing, he recommended that I relax and just let go.

 

I did. Once I started, the tears wouldn’t stop. I hazily recall being lifted into a lap, arms held securely around me, whispering words of nonsense. If I snuggled any further into him, I’d be on the other side. My tears soaked his tunic. Perhaps I was my imagination, but I felt something kiss the tears away.

 

“I’m here for you,” he whispered to me. I managed to calm myself down, again turning a vibrant shade of red when I realized I was snug in Fenris’ lap. I relaxed, not wanting to move just yet.

 

Seeming to read my thoughts, Fenris held on firmly, his chin resting on top of my head.

 

“Feeling better?”

 

“Much.” I smiled, looking up at Fenris. “Thank you.”

 

His expression softened. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in weeks. You’re even more beautiful when you do.”

 

My eyes widened. _‘Did he just?’_

 

_‘I think he did. He’s saying he likes me back!’_

 

My eyes asked for confirmation. Fenris delivered.

 

Slowly, his lips met mine. They were softer than I’d imagined and much sweeter. Had I died and gone to Heaven? Our lips withdrew and met at different angles. Lips brushing once more, I felt his tongue seek entrance. I obliged. He sucked happily on my own tongue, his eventually searching every corner of my mouth. After a few minutes, we stopped, breathless, eyes sparkling and in my case (no surprise) cheeks flushed.

 

Fenris looked insecure. Brushing my lips with his thumb, he posed a question.

 

“Would you…like to do this again?”

 

I raised my eyebrow. “Of course I would!” I gently touched his face. “I care about you more than anything.”

 

He smiled, drawing me close. There was no greater feeling.

 

Unknown to them, an exchange was happening just outside the door.

 

Varric leant against the wall smugly, hand held out.

 

“You owe me 5 sovereigns. I played matchmaker and succeeded. So, cough up my pirate friend.”

 

Isabella rolled her eyes. “Fine, here you go.” Throwing the pouch for Varric to catch, she sauntered off to order several rounds less of Lowtown swill than she would've liked.

 

Tossing the coin pouch from hand to hand, Varric smiled, gazing back at his crossbow.

 

“Well, Bianca looks like everyone wins. Those 2 are an item, I get more coin and Isabella will get Alcohol poisoning more slowly.”

 

Pocketing the sovereigns, Varric leaves Fenris’ mansion, for a couple of pints of his own at The Hanged Man.


End file.
